My First Endo Appointment

After passing the building and flipping a U-turn I pulled into a Hospital Parking lot that was packed. I found a spot in the neighboring county and made my way over the 7 story building. With my log in hand and my heart racing, I jumped in the first available lift and pressed the lucky number for a quick ride to the top floor.

When I entered room 702 I was excited to see a big poster about Insulin Pumping classes being offered by Medtronic, A bunch of leaflets and handouts about diabetes care in several languages and a vast array of diabetes health magazine sprawled out on the coffee table. I signed in and was quickly handed a clipboard full of forms I had to fill out. I always hate the fact that I have several “yes” answers on past medical issues. And the medical history section is also depressing. Having to list my father as deceased from a heart attack at age 43 always brings me down a little. But at least marking my children as both being in excellent health brightens me up a bit.

After paying my co-payment I get called almost immediately. The nurse was very nice and upbeat. She mistakenly set the large weight on the scale at 150. I could have leaned over and given her a kiss for that. I told her, “you gotta keep moving that one over” which produced a giggle and a wink from her. I felt my heart rate slow down a little. I like this place.

I sat in a room covered with many posters about diabetes complications. It would make even the most lax diabetic get there act together. Pictures of foot problems, retinopathy, neuropathy, and so many more that I just closed my eyes and said to myself, “That will not be me. That is why I am here.” I kept my eye on the Medtronic poster explaining the benefits of pumping. If this Endocrinologist says that I cannot get on a pump then I am out of here.

The doctor walked in with a smile and an outstretched arm awaiting a hand shake. He introduced himself and asked how I was doing. I told him that I was a Born Again Diabetic (chuckle) and that I was ready to get my act together, lower my A1C, and get on a pump. He agreed that I looked to be on the right track and that a pump would be extremely beneficial for me. SCORE!

He signed me and my wife up for a carb counting class and an introduction to pumping class at a local hotel on May 3rd. I will be sure and post what that is like. Both of these classes are put on my Medtronic. Boy, they must have some good sales people. They are everywhere! I have some lab work I have to get done. He changed my sliding scale of insulin and my dosage of Lantus at night. He also wants me to check my BG a few more times a day. These are all things I assumed would happen and I am very excited about it. He said that I seemed to be very focused and determined. My primary care physician told him that I went from an A1C of 12.5 to 10 in one month. That, he said, shows that I am getting into better control and moving in the right direction.

On a side note, the beginning of this rebirth truly started when I found out my A1C was so high. I have never posted it before because I was so embarrassed. But I figure that dropping 1.5 points in a month was a sign of doing something right and that I should celebrate that.

I have another appointment with him on the 17th of May to take another step in the “pump” direction. I can’t wait.

A New Situation

I do not know everything. I have never been one of those people that have a problem saying that. I do have difficulties dealing with those people that think they do. It is hard for me to “break their hearts” when they are so sure of themselves. I am also so weak in these situations that I will begin to question my own education and wonder if I am incorrect in my thinking.

With that, here is the story.

I was in Chicago on business the end of last week and I met a gentleman who is on a pump. As soon as I found out I started asking him a million questions since I have my appointment with an Endo this Wednesday to hopefully get on a pump too. He told me that I should not hesitate. The pump is the best thing he has ever done to help him feel more normal and be in the best control he has ever had.

We shared our diagnosis stories and they were quite similar. I was diagnosed at 17 and he was 21. Both of us were not feeling right for several years before our doctors figured it out. It was so nice meeting someone who understands my situation and on top of that, he was very open to tell me all about his ups and downs over the years.

He told me that I was not a type 1, I have to be a type 2. I wanted him to explain this to me. He told me that all type 1’s are born with it and their islet cells are non existent. I told him that I was told that Type 1 is your body committing suicide on it’s own pancreas. He disagreed and said that all type 1’s never have insulin in their bodies. He said that Type 2’s have a pancreas that only works at “around 50%” and then it just stops which is why they can take pills for a while but will end up on Insulin eventually.

Huh?

I was sure that I was a Type 1. A doctor years ago did a blood test to make sure and she said “you are definitely a type 1.” So what was he talking about? I thought type 2 diabetes had to do with the body not utilizing the insulin they produced and that is why some type 2’s can control their diabetes with diet and exercise.

I had no idea how to respond. I was 100% sure he was incorrect but then my percentage started to fluctuate to a 96% sureness. But he was so sure about it and quick to tell me about all of the research and education he has had. He also made me feel bad for not knowing this information. As if, I was a horrible diabetic who didn’t care about my disease. It was very awkward and I immediately changed the subject and never talked about my diabetes with him again.

What a downer. I was really excited to meet somebody who was also a Type 1. Have any of you had a situation like this before? Am I correct in my understanding of 1’s and 2’s? How should I handle someone like this in the future?

Out of Town

I am heading off to Chicago tomorrow for training with one of the companies we work with. I have been told that they are partying people so I will have to retrain myself. I have already stocked up on extra strips, syringes, insulin, snacks, and Glucose Tabs. It's only for two days but you never know!

Anyhow, I will post again on Saturday. Have a good rest of the week all.

Happy Easter

I hope you all have a great Easter!

I included a picture of how the people in my office eat goodies. Apparently cutting them up into bite size pieces makes the calories magically disappear! The question is, how many pieces did they eat? LOL




FYI - I took this with my camera phone. Not to shabby!

I Finally Watched It!

I love my DVR. For those of you who do not know what that is, it is a Digital Video Recorder. Like TiVo but I am not that cool. We have digital cable at home and they offer a cable box with a DVR which pretty much does most of the things a TiVo does it just doesn’t have the cool hip name!

Well, last night I was scrolling through the shows I had recorded to see if I had missed anything cool since I had some time to kill before din din. I noticed that there was an episode of dLife listed from Sunday afternoon.

dLife is a show on CNBC each Sunday at 7PM Eastern time which is why I had never seen it since that is 4PM Pacific. We are usually running around on Sunday afternoon or attending some function of some sort. This weeks show was an all athletes special. Kendall Simmons (NFL & Type 2), Jason Johnson (MLB & Type 1) and Missy Foy (Olympic Marathon Runner & Type 1) all shared the way they have not let diabetes get in the way of their dreams and how they manage their disease daily and when they are participating in their sport.

A funny thing happened when I started watching the show. Right before the first commercial break, all 4 of the hosts and several audience members whipped out there machines and tested their blood sugar. At first I got very uncomfortable. I started laughing because it was so foreign to me. I am the only Type 1 I know so to see all these people start testing all at the same time, all in the same room, just freaked me out!

Then at the commercial break I saw a commercial for Lantus Insulin, a blood sugar machine, and other diabeticy goodness. It was so bizarre to me.

When they came back from the break was when they did a piece on each of the athletes and I found it very interesting and inspiring. I was starting to accept the fact that this is not so weird at all, it is actually quite cool! A show completely about Diabetes! That is awesome!

Then another weird moment occurred. They panned to the studio audience again and this time I saw a bunch of little kids sitting there, totally excited to see Kendal Simmons. They looked so star struck and were smiling from ear to ear. He talked about how he hopes he is an inspiration to kids with diabetes. And when I thought about all of those little kids with all of their dreams and how they have to struggle with all of the same stuff that I have to, I started to cry.

It was those half happy half sad tears that sting so bad. You are so touched by their enthusiasm and strength for even coming out to this taping and testing their blood right on camera but then you are so hurt to know that they have a disease that will be with them their entire lives.

Both my daughter and son were asking me about diabetes the other night in great depth. It was such a nice conversation and a great opportunity to teach them. But I could tell that both of them are scared or assume that they may get it one day. I told that they will be well prepared if it ever did happen since they live in a diabetic friendly house but not to dwell on it. If that is in the cards for them then we will cross that bridge together when we get to it.

They were both okay with that and understood that they already have a head start if or when they get the big D.

Again the half and half tears were produced, and stung.

A Lot of Steps

About 6 years my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I thank God every day that I can say that my mother is a survivor of this awful challenge in her life. Ever year since she was diagnosed my mom, sisters, and my wife participate in the Revlon Run-Walk to fight women's cancers. Its always the day before Mother's Day and has become a great tradition. All of us guys watch all of the kids as the Gals in our lives walk for a cure.

What I have noticed is that I always get a little bitter each year when this day nears. No one in my family has ever thought about doing a Diabetes walk or at least has verbalized their interest to me. I feel so hurt as if I am just on my own and don't have the support of my family and friends but at the same time I feel guilty becuase what they are walking for is a GREAT cause!

I had a long conversation with a very good friend the other night and finally expressed this feeling. This friend by the way lost her mother to cancer several years back. She is so understanding and caring that I knew I was safe bringing this up. I told her that I felt like saying, "Mom HAD cancer, I HAVE diabetes!!!!" But I would never say that. I couldn't. Hell, I deleted that sentence twice before I finally moved on to type this one.

What she said to me made so much sense. She said, "You can't expect people to understand Diabetes. People see it as a manageble disease and if they don't have it then they don't think about it much. Cancer automatically puts everyone in "Oh My God!" mode and they instantly connect it to death."

This totally hit me....hard.

What have I done to educate my family? What have I done to show that I want to be a Diabetes Advocate? When have I ever truly shown any interest in my disease? When have I ever expressed my true feeling about this to my family? Never.

My family does not know how my life has changed recently. My new found Born Again attitude towards Diabetes and my desire and drive to get better, get managed, and get healthy.

So with that, I have created a team to join the American Walk for Diabetes in November. I know it's a while from now but I figure that gives me enough time to get a lot of sponsers and get the word out. I have already asked my wife, sisters, and my good friends and they are all interested. I feel so much better.

One of my sisters said, "Dude we have been waiting for you to tell us about something like this. Count me in!"

I am such a dork.

The Day We Met

I have had a weight problem all of my life. To put it into perspective, I have the same waist size now that I did when I was 10 years old!

When I got into 7th grade I hit the most I have ever weighed. I was at 265 lbs. It was awful and so I started eating a little better and walking to and from school. My Freshman year, I was in marching band and busy with school so I started losing weight, rapidly. All this time, my mother had noticed a change in my behavior. I was very rebellious and my moods changed faster Vanna White during commercial breaks. My mom was sure that it was just the teenager thing.

I was also thirsty all of the time. I would get up about 4 times during each night to use the restroom and it seemed like I was getting sick and feeling awful for a long time. I went to the doctors and they did blood work and said that my sugar was a little high but that I probably had a large meal the night before. First off, it was a fasting blood sugar and every meal at this point in my life was large!

On October 2nd of 1990, I was at Drum rehearsal on a Monday night and my drum instructor looked at me and asked if I was feeling okay. I told him that I had a headache but other then that I felt fine. He said I looked as white as a ghost and for a Cuban, Puerto Rican guy like me, white as a ghost is not even possible unless something is wrong. He told me to sit down and he called my mom to pick me up from practice.

I should add that at this time I weighed 160 lbs and looked very sickly. I really didn’t care because I was the thinnest I had ever been.

She took me straight to urgent care. Once there they checked my blood with a Glucose meter and said, “You’re Diabetic.” Just like that. I said, “well maybe I had a large meal.” The nurse replied, “If you did not have diabetes you could have just eaten a pound of sugar and your reading would not be this high!” I was at 504. I asked what normal was. “70 to 110” she said. I freaked out.

Not two years earlier my Type 2 Grandma (one of the two) started taking insulin and I remember saying to myself, “I would rather die then have to give myself shots for the rest of my life!” Famous last words…

The nurse then told me that a nurse would be coming to my house in the morning to give me a shot and to teach me how to give them to myself. For the next month I came in to the lab twice a day for blood tests. I was a regular pin cushion.

My father called me on the phone the night I was diagnosed. He was out of town on training and for the second and last time in my life, I heard my father cry. He was so scared and also felt very guilty as if his genes were the reason I had this disease. I remember to this day how scared I was to hear him cry. He was a Sheriff and always my rock. I think that was the first moment that I realized that this was a life changing and life long event.

My mother also kept blaming herself and the doctor had to reassure her that being a Type 1, was nobody’s fault. I spent most of my senior year in and out of the doctors and missed a ton of school. I almost did not graduate because I missed the last week of finals but my teachers let me take the finals the week of graduation practice and I passed just in time to walk during the ceremony.

I know that being diagnosed at age 17 has it’s pluses and minuses. I mean, sometimes I wish that I would have had it at a younger age so it would have been just a part of my life but then again, at least I had a few years to enjoy like shot free. The biggest problem that I found was that feeling of being different and knowing that something was wrong with me. It’s hard enough trying to figure yourself out personality wise as a teen and now not even understanding your own health and body made for a very difficult experience.

I know we all have our challenges no matter what age or how each of us gets introduced to our disease. One thing I have learned is that we are not alone. The support and friends I have made online have really changed my perspective so much.

Thanks.

Hee Hee

I couldn't resist. What would I do without my blog? Live a lonely diabetic life with no one to share my bizarro thoughts and complain to?

Anyhow....hoped you liked my attempt to fool y'all!

A Bold Message

Hello all. I am sad to say this will be my very last post. My wife thinks that I would rather spend time online then with my family. I know it sucks. But my home life should come first.

I hope you all understand... Bye!