Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Squinting

I’ve been in a dark place for a long while. Some may call it depressed but I am not sure if that would be the correct diagnosis. I feel like I have chosen this dark cold place to retreat to instead of just ending up there. I wanted to hide away for a while and avoid reality. And of course when I decide to peek back into the world, all of my problems are still there.

Lurking does not suit me well. I like to comment just as much as I like to receive comments so continuing down this path for yours truly is not working. I am going to try and come back to the OC. I feel so disconnected to so many things right now. I hope I have not ruined the connections I once had.

I left you all after a visit to the eye doctor. To be honest, the visit was not bad. Not good but not bad. I was told that there was some hemorrhaging in both of my eyes but that it was not bad and could be expected since I have been a diabetic for so long. I am going back in 4 months just to make sure nothing is progressing.

My reason for leaving this place is because of other issues in my life. The economy has hit my family hard and there is a good chance that the roof over my head may be taken away from me. I am not doing well with this at all for so many reasons. Mostly for putting my kids through the stress of having to change schools and move out of the only home they have ever known. The other reason being the feeling of total and complete failure. Being able to type all of that helps me to let the stress of this situation go.

I plan to do all I can and see where it gets me.

When you first try to get out of the dark it takes some time for eyes to adjust. When you do, you can see a lot clearer then you did when you first entered that dark place.

I still have a job. I am still married. I still have two amazing children. I still breathe. I cannot quit.

24 comments:

Shannon said...

It's nice to "see" you back ;)

I hope everything works out better than you've ever imagined. That seems to be the way things play out when a person gets rained on with problems.

Annie said...

Glad to have you back!!!

Penny said...

Oh, George, I don't know what to say. I'm crying for you, with you, right now.

I'm sorry for all that is going on both with D and with your personal life. I know there is nothing I can say to make any of it better, but I just wanted to let you know that I care and I'm sorry.

(((hug)))

Araby62 said...

You may have been in a dark place, but the OC was outside, peering in, looking for you, wondering where you were and hoping you were okay. Glad you're back, hermano.

Lili said...

I'm sorry. We are feeling the economy , too. I thought once I went back to work, we would have enough, but it seems like it just helped us tread water.

Michelle said...

Welcome back George. I'm glad that you're back with us. Remember, darkness is only darkness until you turn the light on. ;) Even in the worst of times, it helps to remember that this is exactly where you're meant to be, right at this moment. Even if you don't recognize God's hand in this right now, just trust that HE knows why he put you where he did, and that even in the darkness, you're never alone. :)

Randee said...

Glad to see you back! Take care!

Matt Keeling said...

Very good to see you back. Similar to what Michelle said. Give it to the Big Guy. He will help to ease your burden. You are absolutely not a failure! You will stand up after all of this and be a better stronger person. Hang in there! Everything is going to work out.

Jillian said...

It's good to have you back no matter what the circumstances. I wish you only the best as you try to get through these rough times. All I can say is that there is always something to look forward to at the end, you just might not be able to see it yet.

Gina said...

G-money
Glad you are back, sorry to hear all of this. We are all here for you. If you need a laugh or a dance off let me know. We still haven't done that btw (wink)

Love you dude,
G

Scott K. Johnson said...

G-Money - we've already talked about this, and you know I'm here for you if you need anything.

You've not ruined any connections as far as I'm concerned. All of the blogging, reading, commenting, whatever - it is all at your own pace man. Don't stress over it.

And you already know I echo Michelle & Matt's sentiments.

I too love you bro! You will make it!

Donna said...

Glad you're back, George. Been praying for you everyday when I would check your blog for a new post. God will get you through whatever you're going through right now. He has a plan. Hang in there.

Colleen said...

You've been in my prayers also. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you are letting us share your burden. Keep the faith!

Minnesota Nice said...

Oh George. Why does all the mud hit the propeller at once? Phooey
Hang in there.

Drea said...

A hug from sunny Nova Scotia.....take care

Hannah said...

*hugs* Happy to have you back, G, and remember that whether life is sunny or rainy, your friends are there for ya. (This includes me. Duh. :) )

Nicole P said...

George - I'm sending you my best, lightest, STRONGEST energies... Feel them, use them. xoxo - Nicole

Carey said...

Hang in there, bud. Good to see you back.

Molly said...

Glad that you posted, George.
Remember, just keep stepping forward.

Major Bedhead said...

We just went thru that over here, George. It sucks, but it's not the worst thing in the world. It's certainly not a barrel full of laughs, either, but y'know, you'll get thru it. Everyone in the OC is pulling for you, praying for you and sending good thoughts your way. Hang in there.

Lea said...

Geroge,
Don't ever think that you've failed. You are an amazing man and father. Anyone here can see how much deep love and devotion you have for your wife and children. I wish you didn't have to go through this, but know that you've got God, and good friends on your side.

Kerri. said...

You're in our thoughts and prayers and if there is anything that Chris and I can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask. In the meantime, we'll do our best to keep you smiling and let you know you're loved.

Anonymous said...

You are also still a ninja! Take care; warm wishes sent from OR too.

k2 said...

G - Ninja -
So glad your back! I've missed your DNinja P.O.V.
The economy sucks! Know that you & and yours are in my thoughts and prayers. No matter what, you have one another. Home is truly where your loved ones are. You also have all of us in Dblogville who are rooting for you big time!
Welcome Back!
k2