Death is never easy. At least not for those left behind.
In my life I have experienced sudden death with my father who had a fatal heart attack at age 43, a slow painful death with my Grandma Lucy who did not know who we were and who seemed to be sick for years, to my cousin who was murdered by her husband to even a very close relative committing suicide.
All are awful. I hate them all.
At least when it takes a while you have time to say goodbye. Although watching a loved one suffer is awful.
There are no words to describe the anger and flood of emotions that occur with both murder and suicide. Both leave you with your jaw on the floor and your eyes full of tears. Sorrow, fear, guilt, anger, grief, confusion, and so many more feelings are constantly tumbling around in your head. Both of these were the most terrible things I have ever had to experience with Suicide being the absolute worst.
Dying suddenly is how I wish to go. Although this may be the way I want, I am sure it not the way my family would like it. Sudden death is hard because it is so unexpected.
My aunt who was 62 died on December 21st. It was so out of no where that an autopsy was ordered and still, no cause of death has been found. I hurt for my uncle who was planning to retire soon. I hurt for my cousins who lost their mom. I hurt for my cousin’s kids who lost their grandma. I hurt because I loved my Aunt and will miss her.
Tonight is the rosary and viewing with the funeral tomorrow.
I know many tears will be shed in the next two days. My resolution this year is simple, and that is to choose to be happy all the time. So as I cry I am going to remember all the good stuff about Aunt Lisa, her sassy attitude, spending the night over at their house so my cousin and I could box each other (My uncle Carl and my dad would love to watch us duke it out in the living room. Guess who busted out the ninja moves), and all the times we got together for celebrations.
Life is short and we don’t know how long we have.
Choose to be happy despite all the tears. There is always something positive and happy to hold onto.