Friday, June 19, 2009

A Week to Remember

So the other day I went to dinner with my sisters to celebrate what would have been our grandma’s 100th birthday. It was fun laughing at some of the crazy stuff grandma did and reminiscing of times that were filled with fun. There is nothing like the love you get from your grandma.

I remember sitting on her lap watching TV or my favorite past time was sitting on the front porch on warm summer nights and counting all the airplanes we could see. As silly as it sounds, that was one of my favorite things to do.

I miss her like crazy.

And that brings me to the bitter sweet holiday called Fathers Day. I know I have written about how my fathers death still, STILL bothers and upsets me. It’s been 17 years and yet I cry. Each year he misses more. I know he is here in my heart, and in spirit, not to mention my twisted sense of humor which I have passed down to my kids. I just want to play basketball with him. Or ride a rollercoaster.

I miss him like crazy.

In the past I have written about the conversation we had the night I was diagnosed. I still hear him on the phone, holding back tears, telling me I am going to be okay and that we are going to figure this all out. I swear I can hear him right now. So weird how things like that stay with you.

My dad used to say things to me that always stuck and that I always made sure I remembered.

“Never be a follower. Always be a leader.”
“One person’s rock can be a boulder to someone else.”
“All I ask is that you make me proud.”

Even as a kid I knew this stuff was important. It has taken me years to fully understand what all these things meant.

My dad never wanted me to not be myself. He wanted me to do what I wanted to do regardless of what others thought. And he wanted me to have passion for whatever I do. To be proud and in turn that would make him proud. To not be afraid to be different or looked at funny or whatever. To be the best I could be.

But also, he wanted me to have compassion. Compassion to understand that what may seem like a silly little problem could be an enormous burden to another. This has particularly useful in raising my kids. When Gillian is upset because someone else got invited to party and she didn’t, I don’t say “who cares. It’s their loss not yours.” I offer love and understanding and let her know that when I was her age that happened to me too. I try to provide empathy instead of sympathy.

So to my Dad who would have been 60 this year, I want to say that I hope that you are looking down on me and my family and are proud. You will happy to know that my son is just as outgoing and personable as you were and my daughter has your very funny, very sick sense of humor. I see you in them all the time.

I miss you immensely and cannot wait to play a game of basketball when I see you again someday.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Your son,


tmana said...

I know you miss your dad... but I think you'd rather be playing basketball with your grown grandchildren before you play a game with your dad again.

FWIW, it's also difficult when dad is alive but just a shadow of who he used to be...

CALpumper said...

:::sniff sniff:::

Aww hon.
You have such great memories tho.
Don't rush the reunion. Like Brenda wrote... ;-)

Much love to ya bro! (((hugs)))

wv: mizess

George mizess his dad and grandma.

Araby62 (a.k.a. Kathy) said...

Aw, George...that made me cry. I understand where you're coming from, Mother's Day still gets to me and it's been 7 years.

Hang in there, bro (:-) And Happy Father's Day--you've got those wonderful kids to remind you just how important a Dad you are...

JaimieH said...

sending hugs and prayers for you this weekend...

It takes us back to brighter years,
to happier sunlit days
and to precious moments
that will be with us always.
And these fond recollections
are treasured in the heart
to bring us always close to those
from whom we had to part.
There is a bridge of memories
from earth to Heaven above...
It keeps our dear ones near us
It's the bridge that we call love.
~~Author Unknown

Andrea said...

I was just talking to my mom about the subject of Father's Day today... and how different it is this year. I hope that your day is filled with joy and happy memories. Love you.

Wendy said...

What a beautiful tribute. He must be so proud knowing that you are trying your best to raise his grandchildren with the values he instilled inside your heart.

What a legacy!

Thank you, Jesus, that you've made a way for the basketball game in Heaven.

Rachel said...

My mom lost her mom when she was in high school, so I although I don't know firsthand the pain of losing a parent young, I still sort of "get it".

I hope you are able to enjoy Father's Day with your children nevertheless. :)

Scott K. Johnson said...

Great post G-Money. I know that your dad was awesome because you are awesome. And you are perhaps the most compassionate person I know - it is a true gift that you have.

Thank you for sharing the gift of your father with us through you.