After the Threat

My mother used to work at a grocery store. She once told me a story about a time that the store was robbed. 3 guys came in and held up the store at gun point. One of the robbers went up to my mom and stuck a sawed off shot gun in her cheek and told her to empty her drawer. She complied and gave them all the money. After they left she was told to go home for the rest of the day. She left her work and went to visit my father at work. When he saw her, he was confused and asked why she was there. It was at the moment that the incident caught up with her and she lost it. All the fear of losing her life, who would help Dad take care of us kids, and what if they hurt me badly all came to her. At the time, she did what she had to do and held it all together. After the threat was gone, the reality of it all set in.

I finally understand.

I just got off the phone with my Endo and my A1C is a 7.9

Just 6 months ago it was a 12.5 and ever since then, I have been living in fear. I finally pulled myself together enough to sit down at my desk and type this but tears are still welling up in my eyes making it difficult to see. I am so happy but cannot stop crying. I feel as if the major threat and fear that I never really paid attention to is hitting me hard. I don’t want to go into the lunch room because I am sure I will get a million questions as to what is wrong and frankly, I don’t feel like talking about it since I probably will not be able to talk.

I also just received word that my pump was approved by insurance and I should have it tomorrow.

It feels like I am a child again the night before Christmas. I cannot wait.