Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Third Degree

Last night was a long one. It was one of those nights when you look at the clock every 30 minutes or so and seem to get no sleep in between. One of those, “can’t turn off your brain” nights.

And I am feeling the effect of it now.

I would love to report that inability to stop my brain from thinking about stuff was because I was planning a really cool thing or going somewhere or even concerned about a big project at work. It wasn’t about money, marriage, church, the economy, or Lost.

My brain kept asking, what are you doing? Where are you going? Why do you do all the things you do? When are you going to stop?

Getting the third degree from yourself is strange. But I had this dialog for hours upon hours last night.

What are you doing?
As far as this blog goes I am not sure. At first it felt so important and relevant and I feel like it has lost something. I feel closer then ever to the online community of people with diabetes but I am not sure I am contributing the way I should. Or the way I could.

Where are you going?
I want to change something about this blog (besides the color scheme so Lisa can read it easier) but I am not sure what? I thought about changing the name of the blog but really, how “cool” is that? Not really a big deal. Not the change or growth I think I need to make.

Why do you do all the things you do? Like Twitter? Facebook? Blogabetes? I dunno. I had fun messing around on Facebook the other day but for what reason? Making a fool of myself? Making people laugh by acting like an idiot? Is that who I am? I guess I am good at it but is it fulfilling?

When are you going to stop?
I don’t want to.

Maybe you should?
I don’t want to.

Maybe a break?
No. I just need a refresher. A new outlook. A new beginning. Something new and different and cool.

Ok. What?
I dunno.

I have a weird stale feeling going on when I see this page and when I read my words. It may just be me?

I am open to any suggestions. Even if you tell me to quit, I am willing to hear it.

13 comments:

Karen said...

DO. NOT. QUIT!!! You are funny and entertaining. You have never come across to me as an idiot. Just the opposite. I envy how clever and amusing you are, and how you put yourself out there. I admire that in you.

As long as you are okay with doing it, I'm more than okay with reading / watching it!!

stickysweetdiabetics said...

I totally agree with Karen.

DO NOT QUIT!!!

There are too many of us who depend on your whit & humor. You sure brighten my day :0) Keep going Super G!

Andrea B.

JaimieH said...

George now that I know you are less than 1 hour away I will hunt you down and kick your ninja azz if you quit! You are an amazing man!

My 2 cents (only because I feel it reflecting on my own self) it's all about the big C word (shhh confidence) ?? why is it so hard to think of yourself in a good way...

You should be even more proud of yourself for posting these emotional battles..like you said if it helps only one person it is worth it..and I'm 100% positive there are MANY you are helping!!!!

Allison said...

Seriously, if you quit blogging, I will come to California and HURT YOU.

Don't think that I won't.

I have a personal trainer now.

I hope you figure out what you want to do soon. There are lots of options for getting involved and I would be happy to talk to you about things you could do locally or nationally or whatever. Just let me know.

Stuart said...

George,

Putting your life and how you deal with it every day helps countless others with diabetes. Even if they don't comment or wear their feelings on their sleeves, your blog helps them feel that they are not alone in dealing with their diabetes and the issues it brings them every day.

Don't ever stop. Showing us your humor and humanity is refreshing and comforting to us.

Many thanks.

Stuart Schaffert

Kerri. said...

SuperG,

You know I hold you in the highest regard and I'm so grateful for your friendship (and impromptu counseling sessions - man, I need help!). I can empathize with what you're feeling, but I do agree with everyone else in that you are such a vital and refreshing part of this diabetes community. What makes you stand out is that you are real and you talk about the good and the bad - and we all know there is plenty of both.

Honestly? I wouldn't blame you for taking a blogging vacation. A vacation from things you do every day, even if you love what you do, helps with perspective and clears up those foggy brain bits. Maybe you need to pull back a bit in order to see the situation most clearly.

I think you're talented, inspirational, and a real friend. Whatever you decide, I'm behind you. :)

- Kerri.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Like I said man, crazy talk.

Why do you feel your blog needs to "do something"?

What is wrong with it just being a place to get stuff off your chest? Besides, it entertains the hell out of everyone in the OC.

And like Stuart said, even if people are not commenting or whatever, just having it out there is helping countless people.

Maybe you're just feeling desperate for material? Why is it necessary to post all the time? Post when a thought or idea strikes you, and just run with it! Don't critique the ideas, just post!

Living with diabetes is an endless source of stuff to write about. Endless.

George said...

I promise I will not quit. I thought about it but there is no way I could do that.

Just give me some time as I figure out what the heck I am doing. I need to refresh things around here.

I was thinking about a whole new site or just vlogging and not posting anymore?

I can take a million different routes but I will take one soon and I will not go away.

I need you all too much.

Kerri. said...

And we need you.

Lee Ann Thill said...

What they said. Seriously. I like everything just the way it is, but if you wanted to change stuff up in some way, I'm sure I'd like that too. I know whatever you do, it'll be from your heart, and that's what makes it such an important and unique contribution.

Maybe a rainbow and unicorn theme? Or cocker spaniels? Dinosaurs are fun. Just don't do clowns because then I'd be scared to visit...

Colleen said...

Yeah, don't quit - we'll let you have a short vacation...
My own personal opinion is that the very nicest thing about you is your true sincerity. You always tell the truth and it helps all of us to be truthful with ourselves.
So thanks, and here's hoping you "keep on ninjaing!"

Chris said...

Still being new to this whole blogging thing, your blog was one of the ones that inspired me and got me started on my own attempt at blogging. You're doing more good than you could ever know, especially for the ninjas in training.

Karen said...

OMG, George, how could you leave us and it must be something with my name, but what the other Karen said is so how I feel.

Listen, mister, you know I might be coming back to CA soon, so you best not leave us, or I might be right there with Jaimie kicking your arse. :)