Last night was a long one. It was one of those nights when you look at the clock every 30 minutes or so and seem to get no sleep in between. One of those, “can’t turn off your brain” nights.
And I am feeling the effect of it now.
I would love to report that inability to stop my brain from thinking about stuff was because I was planning a really cool thing or going somewhere or even concerned about a big project at work. It wasn’t about money, marriage, church, the economy, or Lost.
My brain kept asking, what are you doing? Where are you going? Why do you do all the things you do? When are you going to stop?
Getting the third degree from yourself is strange. But I had this dialog for hours upon hours last night.
What are you doing?
As far as this blog goes I am not sure. At first it felt so important and relevant and I feel like it has lost something. I feel closer then ever to the online community of people with diabetes but I am not sure I am contributing the way I should. Or the way I could.
Where are you going?
I want to change something about this blog (besides the color scheme so Lisa can read it easier) but I am not sure what? I thought about changing the name of the blog but really, how “cool” is that? Not really a big deal. Not the change or growth I think I need to make.
Why do you do all the things you do? Like Twitter? Facebook? Blogabetes? I dunno. I had fun messing around on Facebook the other day but for what reason? Making a fool of myself? Making people laugh by acting like an idiot? Is that who I am? I guess I am good at it but is it fulfilling?
When are you going to stop?
I don’t want to.
Maybe you should?
I don’t want to.
Maybe a break?
No. I just need a refresher. A new outlook. A new beginning. Something new and different and cool.
I have a weird stale feeling going on when I see this page and when I read my words. It may just be me?
I am open to any suggestions. Even if you tell me to quit, I am willing to hear it.