Thursday, May 07, 2009

The Bigger Problem

Last night we had another rehearsal for Godspell.

I am thankful that my diabetes has yet to mess up any of our practices. I always check right before we start and only once did I take some glucose tabs before to make sure I didn’t go low.

So rehearsals have been D free.

But there is another major hurdle I hate to admit.

My weight.

I struggle daily to eat right, to make time to exercise, and to not avoid all mirrors. I have gained back all the weight I lost on Weight Watchers and am struggling on how to motivate myself.

This musical may be it.

Last night at rehearsal we practiced a scene where I am carried off stage. I am not a person who likes being picked up (does anyone besides a kid?) so already I am freaked out. But then to have people trying to lift my fat ass is just about as depressing as you can get.

Everyone is nice and are saying, “no biggie, we’ve got you.” But I feel like a small hippo already and this is not helping.

As of late I have stopped all of my binge snacking I used to do. (that explains the 4 M&M’s I allowed myself yesterday(those following me on Twitter saw that))and trying to eat only human sized servings.

How much can I take off before the musical, which is a month away?

Hopefully enough so no one is rushed to the hospital with a hernia after opening night.


Cara said...

Yuck. Controling this whole weight thing is not easy. I'm working at it too. I know TBL isn't going anymore, but know that we are still out here, struggling w/ you too.
Good luck!
And I still say I'd like to see a recording of this production. :) I'll be it's fantastic.

tmana said...

Sorry, G, but this reminds me of an I Love Lucy episode where she crash dieted to fit into a costume a couple sizes too small for her so she could dance onstage with Ricky. She ended up in bed for three weeks with "malnutrition". For those of us with D, it could be worse. Don't want you passing out on stage or anything...

CALpumper said...

Hang tough.

U Ninja, remember?

You can do it! ;-)

Cherise said...

You've done it before and I know you can do it again! I'm cheering for you! Go Ninja!

Colleen said...

Aww shoot, Cherise said what I was going to say -
But I'll add, this is important to you and so, yup you CAN do it.

Meghan said...

.. don't worry. I'll be having a small panic attack the entire time so you wont be the only one. I know how much this sucks for you.. we've talked about it. hang in there. *finger thing*

Scott K. Johnson said...

I feel you man. I think we're both pretty self-conscious about our weight, and to have stuff like this call attention to it makes it really hard to deal with.

You have a great sense of humor about it, which helps us both more than you know.

You can do anything you set your mind to. If you quit smoking you can do anything. Anything.

I wonder if anything would come to you by walking the labyrinth while "meditating" on this stuff? Might be a neat thing to try, but huge expectations could interfere.

Hang in there bro!