After an awesome and yet tiresome rehearsal at church, I came home Saturday night and plopped down in front of the TV to relax for a few.
I started watching one of the many food competition shows which I love and just chilled for a while. As I was sitting there I put my hand no my thigh and realized that my hand felt asleep. I am not unfamiliar with this feeling since after working on my computer for any amount of time my right hand goes numb. So annoying.
But this felt different. I put my left hand on my left thigh and my left hand felt asleep too. What the heck is going on? When I put my hands together they felt fine and that was when I realized that my thighs were asleep.
It was the weirdest sensation I have ever had. I kept poking my leg and the whole thing was tingling. Not completely asleep but definitely dozing off if that makes sense.
Neuropathy has affected both of my feet for some time now but now it seems it has moved up my legs. Even now they still feel strange.
It’s almost as if diabetes is slowing taking my feeling away. It is an eerie feeling. Like I am dying from the feet up.
And now the questions begin. Am I doing all I can to take care of myself? Is diabetes winning the battle? Will I ever be able to feel like I have the upper hand?
I am so tired. I know I have to keep going but man, it’s hard to WANT to stay on top of things. Sometimes I just want to say, screw it. I had a dream the other night that before I went I to bed I just decided I was done with it all and disconnected my pump and went to sleep. As if that would be a peaceful way to go right?
I am in no way suicidal and yet my subconscious seems to be. Or at least there is something in my head that decided to make that subject the main storyline during dreamtime the other night.