Thursday, October 08, 2009

A Moment Without Diabetes

The other night I was woken up by a low. My CGMS was blaring and I when I opened my eyes I could feel that heavy, disoriented, spacey feeling washing over me.

I turned on the lamp on my night stand and sat there.

“Honey, are you low?” I don’t think she heard the CGM but I think she just wakes up whenever I need her. She’s like a superhero.

My grunting confirmed it and she headed to the kitchen to find something to eat. She also handed me my machine off of my dresser.

57.

As I heard the sound of cupboards opening and things being moved around in the kitchen I had a strange thought.

I cannot wait until this is over. I am tired of this.

For a moment, my glucose deprived brain thought of diabetes as a flu or cold. Something that I would get over with a few rounds of antibiotics, not a disease that I have to live with until a cure is found. Or I expire.

It was a quick moment but that moment was nice. I know it was not from a sound mind but it honestly felt as this was just a passing thing I would get over eventually.

As quick as it came it went.

“What the hell is wrong with me? This shit is ‘til death do us part!’”

No sooner after that did my wife bring something in for me to eat. I started to feel better when I finally went back to bed.

Laying there I thought about that moment. I remember how I believed it. I remembered how I wished to be true and how awesome that would be for all of us.

I turned on my side so Jasmine would not see the tears that were filling my eyes. As one streamed down my face and into my ear, I wiped it up, said a prayer for a cure, and hoped for a dream without diabetes. 

12 comments:

floreksa said...

You have such a way of getting me to cry at work!

I could completely see myself thinking the same thing during a middle of the night low and would have the exact same reaction.

Kelly said...

((HUGS)) I have lots of tears lately too.

The Mindful Diabetic said...

It's kind of scary how our brains play tricks on us when we are low. I can only imagine how it felt when you realized the reality. I am sending you a big, virtual hug and I owe you one when I see you this weekend :)

Stacey D. said...

What a moving post. And I could only wish that it was something that we could "get over". I'm sorry you had to go through that the other night :(

Lee Ann Thill said...

If I was bringing Jason with me to CA tomorrow, he and Jasmine could hold a Superfriends meeting because he has the same superhero ability to wake up whenever I'm low too. You and I could be the lame Wonder Twins... form of a a bucket of hypo-induced sweat, shape of an incoherent, mentally paralyzed paperweight.

That was a weird thought...

ninnifur said...

For some reason that almost made me cry. I've never felt that but for a second I put myself there, as if this were a cold or the flu and how amazing you feel once those things are over with. What a great feeling it would be to never feel this way... thanks george :)

Scott said...

It's weird, but I've also had hypo-induced discoveries, including a cure and several days later, a read a detailed scientific discovery which was related to that specific thing I dreamed about which was related to autoimmunity, so one has to wonder if you might have been right for a brief time after all?!

Bethany said...

This made me shed more than one tear. First, the part about your wife knowing when you need her, then, the real dream of a cure...

Jimmy Dodson said...

... I will follow your lead and use the "No D-day" for my future posts... awesome idea!

FatCatAnna said...

Oh George - you've got me crying. You are so lucky to have Jasmine. My Super Hero always sleeps thru' my night time lows - I sometimes go as low as 30 (I don't have a CGMS) - very rare - but I keep a juice box by my bed now - and if I am "with it" - will drink that - or go into the kitchen and consume everything in site (tho' with age - diabetic of 40+ years - I have gotten better with not leaving the cupboards bare). Hopefully one day - we'll have a cure!!! Hang in there!!!

Lady Elaine said...

very thoughtful and touching... I am the mother of a teenage boy diagnosed 9 months ago with Type 1 Diabetes. It's been quite the learning experience. He starts on the pump next week... yeah! I will definitely suggest he check out your blog. Thanks for sharing!!!

Scott K. Johnson said...

What a great post man. Your story made me feel like it was me going through it. A minute of rest. It was kind of nice.