Thursday, October 29, 2009

Self Induced Fear?

I have a major fear about having diabetes.

Not death. Death doesn't scare me although the pain I may go through getting there does.

Blindness? No, although something I am concerned about, it is not a fear. I am doing all I need to do and check my eyes yearly. I am not too worried.

Losing my feet is a huge fear of mine. Second to the number one fear that I unfortunately have no control over.

My kids being diagnosed.

I have written about this before. I get comments that say, "well if they did at least you know what you were dealing with." A very true statement. I would be in a much better position than my parents were when I was diagnosed.

But in "knowing what we are dealing with" comes with knowing the pain, fear, constant management, concern, guilt, and frustration that comes with it. Knowing exactly what it's like does not make me feel better.

The other day my son George came home sick. He said he had a headache, was tired, and felt like he had run a marathon. I have noticed that he has been drinking a lot of fluids lately. I called him when he got home and drilled him about his symptoms.

Have you been thirsty? Are you peeing a lot? Have you noticed any vision change? Hunger?

I thought about asking him to check his BG with my Wavesense meter that sits on my nightstand. But what if it's high and he is all alone and freaks out? I can't do that! I was the one freaking out for no reason.

He answered all of my questions with "No," which made hanging up with him a lot easier but still, I worry. I have been worrying about my kids before they were born. I am sure I will never stop.

I just pray constantly that my diabetes is the only diabetes they ever have to deal with.

Do you do this to yourself about your kids, future kids, nieces and nephews? I feel like I am crazy sometimes.


k2 said...

Wonderful post!
YOUR NOT CRAZY- except when it comes to bacon.
I worry about my nieces and nephews and their risk of diabetes all the time-it's natural.
If it happens, it happens. It won't be anyones fault.
IF it doesn't, it doesn't. It won't be anyone's fault.
Your son is your son, is your son. You will worry about him always! And you will love him him no matter what.
kelly k

Jaimie said...

NOT crazy... just the other day Ally went back for another huge glass of water & earlier that day she was complaining she was tired...I "drilled" her also on symptoms... a series of all the same questions...peeing alot, eye changes, are you too thristy....both kids at the same moment looked at me and sorta shouted "mom! we don't have diabetes!" ...Dan was there too...I wanted to laugh but yet cry at the same time....yes my worst fear even over my own possibility of complications...each year on their birthdays they get a finger stick...Ally does not care and would test everyday if I let her...Nate HATES it with a passion lol...

Anonymous said...

I think we as diabetics all have a fear that someone close to us will have to deal with this horrible disease. And, no, knowing that "at least you'll know what's going on" or "how to deal with it" or "what you're in for" doesn't help... it's just the fact that we love them and would never want them to go through what we do everyday.
You can't blame yourself if your children become diabetic as well. There is nothing you could have done. You couldn't go into their genes while they were forming and take out whatever the trigger is for diabetes. Just as any other parent can't take out the ones for cancer or Downs Syndrome.
No, you are not crazy. Just a concerned, worried father. That comes with the territory. No matter what happens, you can handle it. You are the great Ninja!

floreksa said...

I've probably freaked out and tested Ally at least 2x a year since she's been born.

Traci said...

No your not crazy. Or it just means all of us who worry about it are. My husband and I worry about it CONSTANTLY with our little kids. And our doctors try to reassure us it's a less that 25% chance that they'll get it. But no matter what they tell us, it doesn't seem to make the worrying stop. Ever. I'm the same way. My daughter gets EXTREMELY grumpy several times during the day. Instantly I think LBS. WTH is that the first thing to pop in my head? My son has been wetting the bed and has been thirstier lately. Instantly I think, diabetes. Why? I can't even answer that. And really, I found your post SO reassuring that my husband and I aren't the only ones who think that! My husband managers his BS well, and rarely has a reaction. But we both can't imagine having our kids go through what he goes through. But it's funny that if they did ever get diagnosed with diabetes, we know we would deal with it and adjust. Just like we deal with anything that has come along. Thanks for post and letting me know I'm not the only crazy one out there!

Crystal said...

You are not crazy. I worry too, for my entire family. #LYLB man. ((hugs))

Windy said...

George.... great post. Wow, it's good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I pray almost every day that my kids never get diagnosed. I also wonder how I would deal with the guilt if they did get diagnosed. I know that probably sounds guilty, but I'd feel so guilty.

HUGS friend! :)

Cherise said...


nope. Not crazy! I worry about Niya. When she was sick and asked for something to drink because she was thristy...I pulled out my meter and tested away. I was relieved and a little jealous because she had a kool aid pouch and her bg was 80 lol.

If you didn't worry I would have to ask you "what was wrong with you!"

Cara said...

I totally do this with my future children. I'm adopted, so it doesn't run in my family (my adoptive family, that is) and I don't have to worry about them. But my future children...I worry about that. Sometimes more than I should. You are weird. I totally understand.

Scott K. Johnson said...

HECK yeah I worry about that!

Suz said...

It's not crazy! I worry about my child having Asthma because I do. We want our children to have everything we do out of life and better! We don't want them to suffer in any way... especially in ways that we've experienced as bad.

Keep an eye on your children's health and do take note of changes and concerns you have, but don't scare them about their health by running for a monitor every time they have a "possible symptom".

I have to mention to that my mom was recently diagnosed with diabetes and she has quickly changed her A1C test results, as well as cholesterol and her weight with a health supplement. I've written about it on my blog and my family has begun taking it as well because of the results she's had... might help you too. Sounds too good to be true... I even thought so when she first started taking it, but her lab results as well as her now reducing her insulin is proof enough for me.

In the meantime.. let your kids see how you take care of yourself and be a good example... then if they do end up with diabetes, they have a good example to look up to :)

Chris Stocker said...

I think about this just about everyday. I do not have kids yet, but plan on having them in the next few years and I get scared to death about that. My girlfriend does as well because she gets all freaked out about me and my diabetes and worries all the time, I don't want her to have to go through that with her child as well.

Lora said...

I don't have kids, but I worry about my brother and my sister. My sister recently lost a bunch of weight quickly and when I hung out with her for a bbq, I watched how many times she went to the bathroom, how much she was drinking, if she seemed tired, etc. I wanted to test her (still do), but know she would freak out... For now, I just keep my eyes open, wide open.