I have a major fear about having diabetes.
Not death. Death doesn't scare me although the pain I may go through getting there does.
Blindness? No, although something I am concerned about, it is not a fear. I am doing all I need to do and check my eyes yearly. I am not too worried.
Losing my feet is a huge fear of mine. Second to the number one fear that I unfortunately have no control over.
My kids being diagnosed.
I have written about this before. I get comments that say, "well if they did at least you know what you were dealing with." A very true statement. I would be in a much better position than my parents were when I was diagnosed.
But in "knowing what we are dealing with" comes with knowing the pain, fear, constant management, concern, guilt, and frustration that comes with it. Knowing exactly what it's like does not make me feel better.
The other day my son George came home sick. He said he had a headache, was tired, and felt like he had run a marathon. I have noticed that he has been drinking a lot of fluids lately. I called him when he got home and drilled him about his symptoms.
Have you been thirsty? Are you peeing a lot? Have you noticed any vision change? Hunger?
I thought about asking him to check his BG with my Wavesense meter that sits on my nightstand. But what if it's high and he is all alone and freaks out? I can't do that! I was the one freaking out for no reason.
He answered all of my questions with "No," which made hanging up with him a lot easier but still, I worry. I have been worrying about my kids before they were born. I am sure I will never stop.
I just pray constantly that my diabetes is the only diabetes they ever have to deal with.
Do you do this to yourself about your kids, future kids, nieces and nephews? I feel like I am crazy sometimes.