I Cannot Stop

I cannot stop.

With kids in soccer, band, choir, and track I cannot stop. They have to get to where they need to be and it is my responsibility to get them there. Dinner is a must as well as making sure homework gets done and is understood.

With the economy the way that it is and the financial woes we are facing in our home I have to get up each day and work my tail off. I am not sure I am happy with my job. I guess I feel that it is just a job and not a career. But they pay me well and most of the people I work with are great. I am blessed to have the job that I do with the small amount of education I have.

With my commitment to church and VDC I get to praise God through music. My church has me on staff and pays me to lead the worship band. I would do this without pay in a heartbeat but my church knows that when you have a paycheck, you are more likely to be treated differently and treat your job differently. I see it as a ministry but still one that I cannot stop and rest from. It takes time to come up with music, learn music, teach music, and then be prepared to play that music come Sunday.

I cannot stop.

With my diabetes I check my blood, go to the doctors, attempt to exercise, and keep my disease on my mind. It’s why I write here and on dLife. It keeps me reading. It keeps me in the know and it keeps me thinking about my health by reading about all the others in the online diabetes community.

At times I want to quit it all. I just want to stay in bed and not drive the kids to school. I dream about driving right past my exit at work and continuing off to who knows where forgetting about everything. My wish is to not have to think about diabetes. To never worry about what I eat or what this disease has planned for me in the future.

I want to stop.

I cannot.