Not By Choice

Last November, I wanted to do something special for World Diabetes Day. All the D-Bloggers out there in the O.C. were set to post something to help raise awareness about the big D.

I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to write a song.

On my drive home from work that day I started thinking about a song. I knew I wanted it to be a journey through some steps in my diabetes life. By the time I got home, I was singing the chorus and had most of the verses worked out in my head.

When I got home, I grabbed my guitar and tried to find the notes that I was singing all the way home. Not an easy task for me. After I did it just came together and I turned on my camera and recorded this.



I had so many positive responses and people asking for a downloadable copy that I decided to try and get it recorded professionally. Something I could be really happy with.

I finally did it. And I think it sounds pretty good.

Click here to open up iTunes right to the page where you can pick this up.

I should tell you that I chose the artwork for a reason. The symbol I used is not a maze, but a labyrinth. A maze you can get lost in but a labyrinth is a single path, a journey. Sure it twists turns and you never seem to know when it ends but as long as you keep moving, you will get to where you need to go. Much like life.

A labyrinth was the only thing that made sense to me in regards to this song.

Having this disease was not my choice but moving on in life and continuing on is my choice. It is our choice.

Also one thing I ask is if you do get it, if you would leave a comment on iTunes.

Kerri interviewed me about the song (which is a way better post then this one) and my home skillet number one Scott Johnson also posted about it (And his is also better then this.)

Please let me know what you think and thank you all for all the love and support I receive.

I love this community so much.

Thanks.

A Bloody Mess

Yesterday was the first time I changed my sensor out on my own. And it was awful.

First, I was nervous. My trainer was so great and she made me feel at ease when I first inserted a sensor last week. Everything went well but it was because she was telling me what to do. I had no help.

I was having trouble getting the sensor into the plunger to insert it, then when I finally shot it down into me, and thankfully it did not hurt at all, I pulled the needle out and blood came pouring out of the site. POURING. I got blood all over my pants, my belt and all over my stomach. It was awful. I thought my wife was going to pass out or call 911 or something. It was gnarly.

I got some tissue and applied pressure to the site. I held it there for what seemed like forever and it was still bleeding. I sat down and watched the end of my newest obsession, Chopped. After that was done I pulled the tissue off and it all seemed to be good. I attached the transmitter to the sensor and as soon as I did, I started bleeding again. I grabbed more tissue and applied more pressure.

Finally it stopped and I grabbed an IV-3000 out of the package to put on and suddenly I went blank.

I turn it over and over again not remembering how I was supposed to put this thing on. My wife saw my confusion and came over to help. She grabbed it out of my hands and took a look at it. “Dude, there are numbers right on here. Pull 1, then 2 and so on.”

DUH!

I got one on and sure enough, it was totally crooked and not covering the entire transmitter. I had to grab another IV-3000 out and put that on too. At least that one didn’t take as long.

When I finally got it all secure I went to bed and decided to not start the sensor until morning.

This morning I woke up, checked my BG, calibrated my sensor, and started my day.

I will get the hang of this soon enough I am sure and thanks to all of you following me on Twitter.

You guys helped calm me down yesterday.

You Tube Tuesday #121

I know I may have tweeted this clip last week but the fact that I have watched it numerous times and still continue to laugh, makes it a perfect candidate for YTT.

Enjoy!

My Week in Ryhme

On Monday I rested from a trip that we took,
Up the Mountains we went and it was off the hook!
We sang and we cried and laughed a lot together,
While the sun shone bright making for perfect weather.

On Tuesday I waited til the afternoon late
Like a kid before Christmas, I just couldn’t wait,
To get trained on my brand spanking new CGM,
Since November Insurance=fail, but now Ninja= WIN!

On Wednesday I spent mostly all of my day,
Holding onto my pump and watching it say,
“you’re high” or “you’re low” or “check your BG”
It trips me out seeing what food does to me.

Thursday was open house and a band show,
From one school to another, watch the Ninja go,
Both kids are so talented and as kind as they can be,
I’m so blessed to have them as most would agree.

Friday is here and the weekend looks well,
Two days of rehearsal, two weeks til Godspell!
But Sunday is special My wife’s going to be
Graduating with a BA in Speech Therapy.

So proud of my children and proud of my wife,
So blessed to have so many blessings in life,
But it would not be me without a little bitching,
This IV-3000 on my sensor is itching!

The CGMS Journey Begins.

So yesterday was the big day! I am connected and am using the Minimed CGM system and so far so good.

My trainer was the same person who trained me on my pump many years ago and she was a great teacher. Still is thankfully so I learned a lot and got some tips too since she is a Type 1 and using the system herself.

The funniest part of the training was when it came to an end and we found that were locked into the company property her family owns which is where we met since it is so close to work. We tried to find a way out but all the doors were locked as were all the driveways. And the barbed wire made for us to have to call and wait for someone to get it. I thought it was funny but she was embarrassed.

So last night I did my calibration when my BG was nice and stable and then had dinner. I watched the graph climb up over time and it was interesting to see the trend of my BG after I eat. If the Lakers were not on I probably would have never taken my eyes off the thing.

Before I went to bed I did another calibration so I would not have to wake up in the middle of the night to do one but guess what, it did not work because my BG was dropping so I got woken up to calibrate again. I checked my BG and I was high. Without thinking I bolused to correct and then realized that I cannot be stable if I am correcting! Duh! So instead of calibrating again. I waited an hour, checked and had come down into range. I still did not want to chance it. I set my alarm for another hour and checked. My BG was just a little lower so I figured it would be a good time to calibrate.

A little later I was woken up by a new alarm. It turns out Master P makes all kinds of cooky sounds. This one said, “Lost Sensor.” So I remembered how to “find” the sensor and took care of that. Apparently having your pump between your feet when the sensor is on your stomach does not work. No biggie. I took care of that and went back to sleep.

When my alarm when off this morning. I checked my BG, calibrated, and took a look at my graph. It was a bummer to see a gap in the graph already but I think if I eat dinner earlier tonight I should be good for bedtime.

There is a large learning curve I know I am just at the beginning of but I am hopeful that I will figure all this stuff out. Not to mention all the awesome emails and comments from you all who are helping your ninja pal out.
And I am ALWAYS open to your ideas and suggestions.

You Tube Tuesday #120

Two weeks ago I featured a "Dancin' Kim" totally awesome clip on YTT and this week is a revisiting of that clip except that "Dancin' Hailey" is in the house and is SUPER COOL!

Hailey is the daughter of Meghan who is my "Sister from another Mister."

We had a movie night at my house and when we showed this clip to Hailey, she started to bust some real crisp moves.

Enjoy.

'til Tuesday

I know you are probably singing, "Hush Hush. Keep it down now. Voices Carry."

Either that or you have a blank look on your face wondering what I am talking about.

So here's the deal. I am out of town until Monday and will not be able to post, tweet, IM, whatev until then. So don't expect a post here until Tuesday. Get it? 

This is another weekend retreat where I get to sing for 4 days straight and have the time of my life! I cannot wait.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

<3,

Ninjabetic

You Tube Tuesday #119

I love to root for the underdog. So when I saw this clip from a comedian making his network television debut I was excited to see how he was going to do.

He cracked me up and I hope you enjoy him as much as I did.

We Have A Winner!!!!!!

I got call this weekend from Minimed.

A CGMS system is being delivered to my house tomorrow.

As much as I am super excited about finally getting a system, I feel bad for the Dexcom rep that was working with me. My endochronolgist told her he would not sign anything until he had an appointment with me since I skipped that last one.

I believe it was a roadblock put up because my Doctor has a close relationship with the Minimed rep. Totally understandable but you know me, I feel for everyone so I felt bad. I sent my Dexcom rep a message letting her know what happened and told her that I am still considering the Dexcom.

I want to try the Minimed unit, see my doctor, and then see if I like it. I also asked the Dexcom rep if I can try a system out after my endo appointment to see which one I like.

As soon as I find out I will let you all know what she says.

For anyone trying to get a CGMS, my advice would be run into your rep at the ADA convention, tell him or her how you feel ignored, and then follow it up with emails.

This all started for me back in November so it was not as easy as I thought it would be.

Honestly, if I had not run into my rep at the show, I doubt I would be receiving this system tomorrow.

And, any of you readers that have had experience with both, please comment or email (geosim23 [at] gmail [dot] com) me about it. I would love some tips, tricks, and whatever else you can offer to help me utilize this system to the best of my ability.

Ninjabetic Vlog - A Familiar Situation

Diabetes is a pain. But it is even more of a pain when it gets in the way of everyday life. I was able to catch diabetes in the act of doing just that and decided to share this with you all.

This may not be one of my most entertaining vlogs but as you watch it, I think you will understand why I needed to share it.

Enjoy.

The Bigger Problem

Last night we had another rehearsal for Godspell.

I am thankful that my diabetes has yet to mess up any of our practices. I always check right before we start and only once did I take some glucose tabs before to make sure I didn’t go low.

So rehearsals have been D free.

But there is another major hurdle I hate to admit.

My weight.

I struggle daily to eat right, to make time to exercise, and to not avoid all mirrors. I have gained back all the weight I lost on Weight Watchers and am struggling on how to motivate myself.

This musical may be it.

Last night at rehearsal we practiced a scene where I am carried off stage. I am not a person who likes being picked up (does anyone besides a kid?) so already I am freaked out. But then to have people trying to lift my fat ass is just about as depressing as you can get.

Everyone is nice and are saying, “no biggie, we’ve got you.” But I feel like a small hippo already and this is not helping.

As of late I have stopped all of my binge snacking I used to do. (that explains the 4 M&M’s I allowed myself yesterday(those following me on Twitter saw that))and trying to eat only human sized servings.

How much can I take off before the musical, which is a month away?

Hopefully enough so no one is rushed to the hospital with a hernia after opening night.

The Race to CGMS Update

I wanted to update you on my race to CGMS.

The Dexcom rep emailed me on Friday and said they were still working on it with my endo.

The Minimed rep emailed me on Friday and said they were still working on it with my endo.

Both of these emails were sent in responseto the email I first sent to them saying, “I want to see how things are progressing.”

A part of me feels like I should put all my stock in one of them but both make me feel like I am not high on their priority list. I do not need that right now.

It is hard to get over being a little down when people make you feel like you are not that important.

As I type that I remember that I own my feelings and I have to not allow my feelings to get hurt. It is not easy since I am a “heart on my sleeve” kind of guy. As you all know.

So I need to allow myself time to take things in, think about them, remember who I am and where I am, and then decide on the healthiest way to feel.

Much easier blogged than done.

You Tube Tuesday #118

This is a very special episode of YTT. I wanted to share with you all how I learn all the freshest moves going down!

My secret?

Dancing Kim!

LOCK IT OUT! And Enjoy!

A New Numb

After an awesome and yet tiresome rehearsal at church, I came home Saturday night and plopped down in front of the TV to relax for a few.

I started watching one of the many food competition shows which I love and just chilled for a while. As I was sitting there I put my hand no my thigh and realized that my hand felt asleep. I am not unfamiliar with this feeling since after working on my computer for any amount of time my right hand goes numb. So annoying.

But this felt different. I put my left hand on my left thigh and my left hand felt asleep too. What the heck is going on? When I put my hands together they felt fine and that was when I realized that my thighs were asleep.

It was the weirdest sensation I have ever had. I kept poking my leg and the whole thing was tingling. Not completely asleep but definitely dozing off if that makes sense.

Neuropathy has affected both of my feet for some time now but now it seems it has moved up my legs. Even now they still feel strange.

It’s almost as if diabetes is slowing taking my feeling away. It is an eerie feeling. Like I am dying from the feet up.

And now the questions begin. Am I doing all I can to take care of myself? Is diabetes winning the battle? Will I ever be able to feel like I have the upper hand?

I am so tired. I know I have to keep going but man, it’s hard to WANT to stay on top of things. Sometimes I just want to say, screw it. I had a dream the other night that before I went I to bed I just decided I was done with it all and disconnected my pump and went to sleep. As if that would be a peaceful way to go right?

I am in no way suicidal and yet my subconscious seems to be. Or at least there is something in my head that decided to make that subject the main storyline during dreamtime the other night.

Diabetes sucks.

Who Invited the Police!?

Yesterday we had our quarterly company meeting. I have talked about how wacky my company is and how we always have “themed” parties and meetings and such.

Well for this meeting, the theme was Pirates and because my cousin is an awesome cake maker, the Entertainment Committee asked me to order a cake from her.

It came out great.

One of our salespeople came up to me and asked, “So who made the cake?”

“My cousin! And I can't wait to have a piece!” You should have heard how proud I was.

“YOU CAN’T EAT THAT! (He was almost shouting!) IT HAS TOO MUCH SUGAR!”

Ugh.

I said, “That’s what insulin’s for” and I walked away.

Then another salesperson said, “Hey George. Man I had rough time last week with “so and so” (I cannot remember his name) who came to work with me. We went fishing one day and man, it was tough feeding the guy. I had no idea how hard it is to have diabetes. He can’t eat anything!”

I found out he was a newly diagnosed type 2 who is terrified of shots and is eating pretty much nothing to lose weight and not raise his BG.

My coworker made me happy in that at least he saw the struggle and wanted to talk about it. I told him what I do and how it’s different and he seemed to get it.

I don’t mind the members of the Diabetes Police that are willing to listen and want to understand.

It’s the ones who shout, “You CAN’T EAT THAT!” that drive me nuts.

Honestly, must you shout?